Dating with Herpes

This site was created to help people find good, up-to-date information about dating with herpes.  If you have been recently diagnosed with genital herpes, you may be upset and confused and think your sex life is over.  However, once you settle down and learn the facts, you'll realize that having genital herpes is not the end of the world, and it's not the end of your social life. You are not alone!

Many cities in the US and around the world have herpes social and support groups that you can join to meet others who are in the same situation.  Some of these groups are very active and are a great place to make friends and find people to date.   There are also several online dating services for people with herpes and other STDs.  You'll find a chart comparing these services at Herpes Dating Online.  If you are dating people who do not have herpes, you should learn how to tell someone that you have herpes, and how to reduce your risk of transmitting herpes to your partner(s).   The more you know about genital herpes, the more confident you will be about the choices you make.  For more information about herpes transmission, diagnosis and treatment, see our Herpes Links page.

HERPES FACTS

According to the American Social Health Association (ASHA), about 25% of all adults in the US carry the virus for genital herpes (HSV-2). Unfortunately, up to 90% of those who have the HSV2 virus DON'T EVEN KNOW IT. This is because most people with herpes have mild, infrequent, or even NO symptoms. Also, most doctors do NOT include a test for herpes when they are testing you for other STDs unless you specifically request it. And even when you ask them to test you for herpes, some doctors will tell you that unless you are having an active outbreak, there are no reliable tests for herpes available. These doctors are woefully out-of-date.

You CAN be tested for herpes, even if you have no symptoms.  New type-specific herpes blood tests have been developed since 1999 that can determine with 95-100% accuracy whether or not someone has the HSV2 virus or the HSV1 virus or both. These blood tests should be taken no earlier than 12-16 weeks AFTER your last intimate partner in order to give the virus enough time to show itself in your bloodstream. Click on the link for Herpes Blood Tests for more info. 

Some out-of-date doctors even tell their patients that they cannot spread Herpes to their partner(s) unless they are having an active outbreak.  While it is true that you are most contagious when you are having active symptoms, it has been shown that Herpes can be spread to a partner even when you have NO visible symptoms. Most people with herpes "shed" the virus a small percent of the time, even when they are not having an active outbreak. This is called "asymptomatic" or "sub-clinical" shedding.  Recent studies have shown that 70% of new cases of herpes were the result of sexual contact with a partner who had no signs or symptoms of herpes at the time. In many of these cases, the person was not even aware that they had the virus and could spread it.  Fortunately, the longer someone has had the virus, their milder and less frequent their outbreaks become, and the rate of asymptomatic shedding also decreases.  In fact, some people only very rarely shed the virus.  Everyone's situation is different. 

Just because someone has herpes does NOT mean that they are always contagious and will automatically spread it to another partner. There are many things people can do to reduce the risk of transmission and keep their partner(s) safe. There are many couples in which one person has herpes, and the other person does not. 

If you are dating people who do NOT have genital herpes (HSV2 or HSV1), then please read: Telling Someone You Have Herpes, Reducing Your Risk, Herpes Blood Tests, Herpes Dating Online and Herpes Info & Links.